ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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