Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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