$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my fart just growled at me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
