Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
