you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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