i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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