She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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