Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
