ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
