I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
