Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
