He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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