She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
