i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
