did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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