We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
