Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
