I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
