If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
