i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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