He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
