Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
