I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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