what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
