After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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