i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
