I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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