can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
