I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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