So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
