their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
