So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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