We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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