i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
