I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
