we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
