Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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