i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
