Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
