I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
