you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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