I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
