Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
