It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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