I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to make out with him forever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
