A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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