it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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