I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
