The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize