So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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