I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
