I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I smell stomach acid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize