oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
