I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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