The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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