Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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