I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
