I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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