This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
