I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
