I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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