if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
