yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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