How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
