My balls are so social today.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
