At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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