I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
