someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
