have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
