the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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