Pants 0. Shit 1.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
