jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
