I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
